In recent weeks, this site has more accurately been One Kind of Heavy. I've been doing a looooot of metal content and not much in the way of fitness content. If I have any long-time readers, you might recognize this as a pattern. But hey, metal is a much easier hobby to maintain than fitness. Today, however, you fitness fans are in for a treat! Well, maybe not a treat, but a legitimate piece of BKOH-original fitness advice, anyway. Warning: if you follow this particular tip, your family may disown you. You may find yourself ripped yet lonely. Still with me? Then head onwards for a very simple, very healthy, and very, very smelly breakfast recipe!

The monstrosity you see above is my very frequent breakfast, a two-ingredient egg white bake. According to Macrofactor, the app I use for tracking macros (this is not paid promotion, I just genuinely think it's a really good app), a serving is 152 calories, 22.3 grams of protein, 5 grams of fat, and zero carbs. It's pretty tough to get that much protein in so few calories, and I will typically pair it with a premixed protein shake like Orgain or Muscle Milk. Those typically have 30-33g protein (anything less isn't worth your time) and 180-190 calories. Combine them and you've got over 50g protein in right around 350 calories. Not bad!

So why am I warning you off of my low-calorie, protein packed creation? Because it smells like death. 

I don't know what it is about baking egg whites versus regular eggs, but this thing will fill your house with the sulfuric rot of Hell itself. It smells like you baked a big tray of cat piss. If you attempt this demonic concoction, make sure you have a working vent fan above your stove, windows that open, or both. My family moans and complains every time I summon this evil health potion. But hey, maybe you live alone. Or maybe your entire family lost their sense of smell. Maybe try making it when everyone in your household has COVID? 

Well, if you've soldiered on this far, you obviously want the recipe. Unlike other cooking sites, I'm not going to make you read 48 paragraphs about the time I went to Martha's Vineyard and discovered the recipe in a cursed cookbook in a cursed antique shop on Cursed Avenue SE. Nope, this came from my own broken mind, and now it's all yours:

Here's all you need:

• 12 Jones chicken sausages, thawed
• One carton egg whites
• A nine-inch glass pan
• Cooking spray
• The willingness to afflict harm on those around you. 

First, spray the glass pan with the cooking spray. If you don't, you'll discover something worse than the smell of this dish: a caked-on dishwashing nightmare. Cut the sausages up into little chunks (above). I use kitchen shears but you can chop 'em up on a cutting board just as easily. Next, pour the entire carton of egg whites into the pan. 

Bake at 350 degrees for 35 minutes or until the top is firm all the way to the center. Use the baking time to think about your life choices. 

When done, cut into four equal slices. Share with your loved ones, if they haven't fled the building. Otherwise you've got four meals with this awful thing. I typically inflict the creation of this beast on Sunday nights and have it for breakfast Monday - Thursday. 

You may have noticed that I didn't add any spices. You can certainly do that, but here's another little twist: it actually tastes pretty decent as is! I usually don't even add salt, but I will often top it off with a little hot sauce. My go-to is Minnesota's own Crybaby Craig's (again, not paid promotion, I just like it). You can, however, slightly improve the smell if you add some aromatic herbs like rosemary. Best of luck to you. 

Both Kinds of Heavy assumes no liability for domestic disputes that may result from cooking this recipe. Attempt at your own risk.